Makeup: An Unexpected Path to Self Love

Sharing is caring!

Growing up, I  always considered myself a Tomboy.

I loved being outside and climbing to the tops of trees. I was constantly covered in dirt and tree sap and I took pride in the fact that I was just one of the boys.

Then puberty hit and besides dealing with the humors of my body, I had no idea how to be a girl. I didn’t do any of the things that ‘girls’ did like flirt or talk about clothes nonetheless experiment with makeup.

I felt like a stranger in a foreign land and during one of my attempts to do all things girl, I learned that it was not safe to be a girl.

That men looked at you.

That your body became something other than what it was really was – some sort of fantasy object – not you.

At that point, I felt it was safer to continue to be the Tomboy.   It was safer to resent the “pretty girls” and just pretend that I wanted nothing to do with hair, makeup and beauty when secretly, I yearned for it.

I yearned for pretty things and dresses that swished around my legs when I walked.

I yearned to wear a smokey eye because every woman I saw who wore it looked like a Goddess.

I called those ‘pretty girls’ – Fake, Frauds, every hurtful word I could think of until I really believed what I was thinking.

But . . . I could only repress this for so long until I just broke down.

 

I fell apart in some ways.

My diet was a wreck so I cleaned that up and while I felt amazing.  . . diet could only do so much.

I had an underground volcano of repressed emotions that would force me to begin a spiritual journey that would change my life.

During my first meeting with my therapist, I cried the entire time.

It was the first time I had cried in years.

I felt a shift enough during our first meeting to continue and I quickly learned that I was the one who had to change.

I asked God to change me and then I spent 3 years letting out the tears, clearing all the old stories and beliefs that I was told.

Healing is often compared to an onion.

Once you remove one layer, there is one right underneath.

I peeled and peeled until one day I realized that I was hiding behind being a tomboy when truly my spirit craved beauty, makeup and all things girly.

I took baby steps and bought some cheap makeup at Target and I hated it.

I wanted better.

I deserved better so I bought it and I felt amazing.

There is something so powerful in claiming your truth and for me, that meant that I could allow myself the pleasure of wearing makeup.

I could allow myself the pleasure of the ritual of washing my face and then applying foundations and outlining my eyes.

I don’t always get a chance to to sit down and put on makeup but when I do, it feels like home.

6 Comments

  1. Sam @ The Haunted Housewife December 7, 2017 at 2:52 am

    I got into girly stuff late, too. Makeup I “needed” more than wanted, so I’ve always felt kind of imprisoned by it. Going without it recently has brought on those self-love feels! 🙂

    Reply
  2. Joanna Clute December 7, 2017 at 1:41 pm

    Never hide behind other people’s expectations. Always be yourself and love it!

    Reply
  3. Chelsea Pearl December 7, 2017 at 2:33 pm

    I loved reading through your journey, and I think this sentence says it all: “I could allow myself the pleasure …”. I enjoy makeup, but I don’t wear it everyday. It’s fun to have the option, but even more empowering to allow myself to experiment with looks and pamper myself just because.

    Reply
    1. Kelly Bejelly December 7, 2017 at 2:38 pm

      Yes, being able to have the choice is so important!

      Reply

Leave A Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *